Tag Archives: relationships

Met With A Job Counselor

I had an appointment with my job counselor yesterday, and we talked about everything going on with me. My low energy, my depression, and me not working the past three weeks.

He’s sending me to a psychologist so I can talk everything out. He also listened to me while I spoke about everything. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t want to embarrass myself. He’s just my job counselor.

. . .

I also would like to spend more time with My Love, but he’s so into his video games and tv, it’s hard. Will talk more about that later.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Advertisements

There’s A Little Hiccup

Most of my immediate family AND friends have expressed that I should really think about keeping my disability, and the insurance from it, instead of getting legally married.

I understand why. At the same time, I wish I could live a normal life like everybody does, and get married, get a job, have kids, and goto college. Unfortunately, I cannot do that for one reason, or another.

1. I’m not capable of having a full time job. Due to my illness, and everyone around me knows that. I know that, too. Perhaps I’m so wrapped up in the love aspect, and feelings, of my relationship, that I fail to see that. I know many reading this may think I seem intelligent, or smart. I am. Although, due to medications and living with a psychotic disorder, I am unable to hold a full time job.

2. It’s obvious. Anyone who knows disability inside and out, knows you lose everything taking on normality. Because, it means you’re capable. Which I am not FULLY. I’m getting there, but not there just yet.

So i’m taking heed to what everyone has expressed. I won’t get legally married probably, at all. At least, not yet.

And complications with my relationship with my mother, even if I do have any kind of ceremony, she will probably not go. Unfortunately!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Everything Is Looking Up

Yes, it is.

Everything is looking up so much for me. I’m looking towards booking a trip later in the year, Valentine’s Day is coming up, my book, etc. Oh I just could go on with the dozens of things going so well. It’s so exciting, and I feel like i’m actually living the dream that I’ve ALWAYS dreamed of.

It’s weird, because I always saw greatness in myself. I always saw potential, but either people told me to not dream too big, or do this or that, or even my own past getting me down. And I just couldn’t reconcile the fact that I felt something big was going to happen.

It’s also weird, because I felt like I had the key to something in this world. I was told time and time again, by mental health providers thats I was delusional and incompetent, I flowed with that, too! Can you believe that?! I almost consider my own self a joke for believing that.

But here I am. I’m here. It’s not a dream. It’s not a prank. I’m actually here. Excuse me while I live on cloud 9 for awhile!

Oh my. And the thing is, it’s only going to get better. I feel it. I sense it.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Stressed, Tired, And Broke

I can’t help it. I’m burnt out from work, and everything else.

I cried last night. Well, I bawled my eyes out. I kept thinking of my Dad dying, and My Love leaving me. My Love said that won’t happen, “I’m not going anywhere”.

I’m so new here still, in this town, trying to make a life for myself. It’s hard. It’s just really hard.

And i’m stressed, tired, and broke.

This is so hard, ya’ll. Let me tell ya.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Another Day, Another Dollar, More Independence!

So I started a new job in my area. Yes, pretty much a third or fourth job. Something akin to Instacart and UberEats. I’m still working my own schedule, and making money on my own time.

I’m really enjoying this independence thing! My own apartment, my own job, my own money, and living with My Love. It’s wonderful. It’s a wonderful feeling to be able to say, “Hey, I’m dealing with a disability, but i’ve got a hold on it. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll never let it have power over me!”. It’s beautiful, it really is.

Glad to have a routine, too. Something I outlined in my book. Check it out sometime!

I’m thinking, maybe, a volume 2? Or a second edition? We will see.

Stay tuned to all the great things happening! Sometimes there is sadness, though, yes it happens! Enjoy the picture of me and My Love for now!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Not Everything Is So Shiny And Glossy

I’ve been talking a lot about all the good things that are happening to me. As I should be, because most everything is pretty great. 

Relationships AREN’T one hundred percent great, though. Please tell me you know that before I move on?!

The BF comes home after work and goes immediately to play his Xbox or PC games. That’s what it is. That is what’s bothering me. I’m spending less time with him, so he can play video games. You’d think that wouldn’t be bad, right, because he’s just at home doing his thing, not going to the club or anything? WRONG.

I feel somewhat neglected, I have to admit, and I hope nobody thinks i’m being childish about this. On one hand, it’s great he’s not out partying, at a club, or someplace where I don’t know where he is. Although, on the other hand, I feel it’s somewhat neglectful to me, and somewhat rude to the situation of two people looking to start a future together.

I’m slightly thinking ahead. Main thing is, I feel it’s somewhat neglectful. Another main thing is, I don’t know how to approach this situation. Other than to ask to spend more time together. In fact, I asked him today. His answer for today was, “Well, I sat down for a few minutes with you after work and relaxed”. A few minutes though? Compared to the 6pm to midnight gaming you do everyday?

Be the judge for yourself, I suppose. It has put me in a bit of a depression.

Thanks for reading, and until next time!

Taking A Leap Of Faith (A Realization Post)

So I did it. I finally became independent. It only took 28 years!

Moving out is so cathartic, yet it is bittersweet to visit parents at home.

Here I am, with the love of my life, blogging, in our own place. How awesome! Right? Well, yes, but to an extent. The cons? Well, the bills, and the neighbors are ‘eh’, oh, and the lack of money because of bills, yea…

The pros? Way too many. They outdo the cons (even though bills are a major thing right now). But, the independence, being with my love (and so much closer to sealing that lifelong deal we all dream about), the ability to pay bills (that is so quintessential to life, I have money now). Oh, I could go on!

So, as everything in my personal blogging sphere is, I DID come on here to vent as well! So, prepare!

I got into yet another argument with my mom. As our relationship stands, it is very rocky, and i’ll admit (not just me) but she has to tread carefully. I guess what gets me is, the drinking. I drink, too, so no hypocrisy here, no shame. I just am someone who drinks and is, at the same time, honest about drinking. The rest of my family members aren’t. It’s ok. Do you, momma, but, ima do me, too.

I love you, but I just cannot tell you everything mom, i can’t. It would be a big burden to not only my personal intimate relationship with my, right now, boyfriend, but also, my relationship with you.

Not to say I hate my mom, I don’t. I love her with all my heart. Although, she’s just one of those people (cancer’s, if you believe in Astrology) that I cannot tell everything to, and it’s only hurting me to do that.

Do you Momma! I’ma do me!

 

%d bloggers like this: