Tag Archives: mental health

New Medication (Geodon)

So I was recently prescribed the generic form of Geodon, ziprasidone.

First day I took it was kinda crazy. I felt nauseous for 30 minutes. Then I got dizzy and fell asleep for, maybe, 6 hours.

Did all that the second day, as well.

Today is the third day on geodon. I felt nauseous, again, but it was only for half the time. I’ve been up since 2am. I couldn’t sleep. I’m not sure if this is due to the geodon itself, or the fact that I slept for 2 days straight, pretty much. I checked my weight and I have seem to lost a couple of pounds. Very excited about that, and where that will go.

I will keep you guys informed. If anyone has any experience with geodon, comment below!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

I Applied To A Job

Round one million (seems like).

I applied to a Peer Support Specialist position at a local mental health clinic. I think I am at least a really good candidate for this position, because I deal with mental health issues myself. At one point I was considered catatonic and unable to do anything for myself.

But here I am, thriving!

Wish me luck, or perhaps, pray for me. I need all I can get.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

This Went Left

We can’t afford to live where we are living anymore, and it’s really putting me in the deep end, emotionally.

I’ve been very depressed, procrastinating, and letting everything fall to the wayside. This is hitting home way too much.

My Love and I may have to move back in with our parents (separately), after just recently getting engaged. We can’t afford a home, another apartment, or even the same apartment. We are spending $719 here, plus all bills separately from that. We can’t seem to make it on his income, plus my disability income.

We are lost and just looking for a miracle.

Please bear with me for the moment being.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

I’m Not Sure If I’m Ready

I apologize for not posting in awhile.

Let’s start off by saying, My Love and I are not sure if we can afford rent anymore. We are considering moving back into our parents house (separately). Maybe getting our finances in order, before moving back in together.

Definitely not my idea, and i’m very scared. It’s nothing against my father, or his house, so much as, all my memories there of me dealing with my schizoaffective, depression, and anxiety. And then, my ex. It would just be so backwards for me. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, everyday. I hope it doesnt come down to that.

We could make it if I got a part time job. I was doing Instacart and a few other jobs like that for awhile, but with this town being so small, it’s hard because no one orders. I was lucky if I was getting two orders a day.

I’m supposed to be starting college again soon, and i’m just so lost. I’m not sure if i’m ready. Especially with all this having to move back stuff in the back of my head.

Forgive me for not writing much, but everything is so stressful right now. And i’ve been drinking more. As well as, having panic attacks everyday. I think it’s the stress of having to go backwards when I just don’t want to. I fear going backwards is going to ramp up my symptoms and depression.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!m

This Man Is My Life

Literally. And all I can think about everyday.

I just want things to be better between us. Obviously, if he didn’t love me, or like me, he wouldn’t have proposed! So I definitely need to do my part. I have considered couples counseling, but now that I think about it, so much of the problem, I feel like, is me. Well, to an honest extent it is, but then, it isn’t.

I became depressed back in January this year. What started off as talking about a possible engagement between us, to my mom, ended up disastrous. Things became worse and worse in my head, and everything spiraled out of control inside me. I became depressed. I stopped showering, taking care of the house, I binge ate, I stopped brushing my hair, etc, and honestly, i’m still at that point, but it’s gotten better as time has went on.

My Love and I talked today. We had an argument about our feelings. He says, “I work 40 hours a week, and I come home and have to clean up the house AND cook.” I said, “I’d be in better spirits if you just spent time with me.”

Honestly, we never came to an agreement on the time spent together before the argument ended, but I promised him things would change and that I would start cleaning more and cooking more.

All of this stopped once I got depressed back in January. Just everything, like I said above plus more! I grew up in a house in my early twenties where my Dad hoarded a bit. Everything was always filthy. I hated it, but never cleaned. I’m not sure why, other than I didn’t want to clean. I just stayed in bed all day due to depression, anxiety, and psychosis. I either slept or ate, but I was always in bed. My Love said I need to break that habit of being in bed. I’m thinking I do, too, and need to start contributing to the household. Especially if i’m not working, I suppose.

Here’s to better times! 🍻

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Is The Depression Gone Yet?

So, I don’t want to jinx myself, but the depression seems to be wearing off. I worked 1 day in the past week. Start small. That’s what counts. I’m lucky enough to have disability to fall back on.

Xena is so much better. I think her cough is gone 99%, so that’s good. She’s much happier, and playing now.

I would like to get one of Dave Ramsey’s books. I’m feeling so inspired right now. I signed up for college again, and FAFSA.

I think i’m MOSTLY back to myself. Thank God! But 🤞🏽!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Depression At New Depths

I was very sick for about 3-4 years in my early twenties. I went off the grid and deleted every single social media I had.

I’m so close to doing that again. While I may not actually do that, I don’t feel welcome just about anywhere in life. My so called friends haven’t called me. I have tried to call them and nothing. Just one. Just one person has answered my phone call/text.

My depression has entered a new stage. It’s at it’s very depths. The amount of loneliness, fear, and sadness I feel is so beyond me. I haven’t felt this way since I was 24, re-entering into the social media world, coming from nothing.

This is probably a relapse of some sort. I’ve probably been in it for some time now.

My relationship with My Love is rocky. Superficial, at best, in my opinion. My relationship with my friends is very nil. I understand people have things going on, but what does it cost to send just a “how are you?” over text. Nothing. And I still get nothing from them. Only one person. But even then I had to reach out. People say “reach out to me, i’m always here.” Fuck off. You know that’s the biggest lie ever. If I can’t reach you numerous times, then that’s a lie!

My relationship with my parents is so bad. At least with my mom. I mean, my mom just goes on about how im not taking care of my weight/health. Either that, or about my inability to save money. I tell her everyday things to prove to her that i’m making money. It’s never enough. My dad, well, i feel so disconnected with him. If I thought I felt disconnected with him when he’s working all day and i’m living with him… then NOW I feel disconnected even more when I’m not living with him.

I’ve never felt more estranged from the world than I do right now, and it’s the lowest feeling i’ve ever felt.

On top of all that, I’m estranged from God, and i could just about die.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

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