Tag Archives: isolation

Depressive State

So I’ve just been kind of sitting here, in a depressive funk, for a couple of weeks. Not doing much of anything. And it’s getting to me.

I can’t but help think i’m taking on too much, but i’m not sure.

I took up 4 jobs and have since decided to quit one, possibly two. My area is also too small of a population for Instacart. So orders from Instacart are on the nil. One or two a day. A few a week. It’s not doing well.

I will probably stick with one job, if they don’t fire me from not working. 😔

I hate this. I seem to go from low to high. It’s just switching every 2-3 weeks. I guess that is the bipolar side of my Schizoaffective disorder.

And I need to explain that to My Love.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Voices In the Dark

I am reluctant towards medicine. Even though I can get relief from some of them. I don’t want to be held down by side effects.

I don’t know if I can keep going like I am. I’ve been off Antipsychotics for a year, given that ive taken my Haldol a few times in between. I don’t think I have the strength to hold myself up through not taking them. Things go well off them for awhile, and after about a month or two things start to unravel a tiny bit here and there.

I’m actually confused. It’s night here.
Sitting here and hearing bits of sound outside my window and muffled voices from my walls, A/C unit, and thin air…I still am confused as to how sick I might be right now. I’m used to some of these sounds and voices, yet they still give me anxiety and instill fear.

I feel watched. Paranoid.
I feel like I’m on a mission.

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