Tag Archives: help

Stressed, Tired, And Broke

I can’t help it. I’m burnt out from work, and everything else.

I cried last night. Well, I bawled my eyes out. I kept thinking of my Dad dying, and My Love leaving me. My Love said that won’t happen, “I’m not going anywhere”.

I’m so new here still, in this town, trying to make a life for myself. It’s hard. It’s just really hard.

And i’m stressed, tired, and broke.

This is so hard, ya’ll. Let me tell ya.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

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Stress & Sickness

I’ve been here at this new apartment for a little over a month now. I’ve also been sick since we moved here. I’ve had migraines, runny noses, dry coughs, vomiting, etc. I wondered for a second about black mold, but I couldnt find any anywhere in this tiny place.

I think a lot of this sickness has to do with stress. My friend reminded me that stress CAN lower your immunity to sicknesses. One ends for me, and something else starts.

I’ve conquered moving. Yay, right? Yes, but I am also in the process of starting a new job, trying to get more fit, and eat better. Amongst other smaller feats i’m trying to handle.

Long story short, I need to work on my coping mechanisms/skills. I need a hobby, or something to make and sell, or something. Anything to get out of this dreaded mind of mine.

Any suggestions for new hobbies?

Thank you for reading! And until next time!

My Trichotillomania

Not sure if i ever mentioned it but i have had trichotillomania since I was 9 years old. I havent had eyebrows and eyelashes fully since i was 10 or 11. Meaning theyve been completely pulled out by then. I only pulled from those places…

until three years ago i started pulling from my hair. it was fairly innocent i think like how it initially was. i pulled out from my scalp to keep stray hairs from getting into my food or on my clothes because it was disgusting to me and a pet peeve. a year later i i found it calming to run my hand through my hair to groom the stray hairs out. so much so that it got to a point where i found myself doing it unknowingly because it was was stress reducing.

the past year now i have noticed lots of baby hairs popping up from my scalp and my hair seemingly thinning…

i already know why i pull. i pull because of stress. because i notice when im stress free my hair start to grow in on my eyebrows.

i have been crying and crying everytime i see more baby hairs and seeing my scalp looking rather thin than last time because i KNOW i am DREADING almost with every ounce of me, the day where i will have patches but most likely thinned hair from pulling. i mean im dreading to the point of feeling suicidal and i dont think ive ever felt suicidal from having trichotillomania. if i have it wasnt noteworthy enough.

im absolutely devasted. just devastated. its killing me.

and the worst part of all of it…is i cant stop.

i cant stop pulling…

😥

The Reality of Reality

reading through things and serching for help in my area to understand medicare……….im just about to break into crying……the sadness……and upset….and embarassment…..at my income ……and mental health…..and all this stuff in my life…….this is one of those moments that……you realize how broken you actually are both inside and out………..  😥  …………like heres reality……….im sitting in it………………..in THIS reality……..broken both inside and out……………a lot of people dont realize how lucky they are……seriously……….i never ever ever saw living even contently as lucky………but its almost pure luck in this day and age………..my dad lost his jobs one day and everything crumbled…….we went from upper middle class to my parents spit divorce and then few years later to only thing seperating us between being ok and physically on the streets were some walls. measly walls. we had no furniture in the house. no running water. no electricity. no air for too long…….and my mental illness worsened and worsened and worsened these past 3-5 years……..my college career broke and over……..going on and off insurance cuz no money………and so on……

……..everything iin my life is just gone gone gone.
one thing…*POOF* gone!
something else *POOF* gone!
another thing *POOF* gone!
and so on and so on and so on.
2 years after my lose his job i ALMOST LOSE HIM. AND THEN AGAIN 1 YEAR LATER.
it doesnt even stop.
and people wonder why i keep having psychotic breaks.

you FUCKING tell me.

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