Tag Archives: Health

Does It Ever End?

The financial situation is just getting worse.

I’m really holding out on getting a proper job. I’m not sure why completely. My health isn’t up to par enough to do it. That’s probably why, honestly.

I feel like we can get through this, but in the meantime I will be going back to instacart for awhile to make some extra cash.

Enjoy this picture of Thor looking out the window. I took him to the dog park today. I’ve been exercising a lot more, and slowly eating better.

This Went Left

We can’t afford to live where we are living anymore, and it’s really putting me in the deep end, emotionally.

I’ve been very depressed, procrastinating, and letting everything fall to the wayside. This is hitting home way too much.

My Love and I may have to move back in with our parents (separately), after just recently getting engaged. We can’t afford a home, another apartment, or even the same apartment. We are spending $719 here, plus all bills separately from that. We can’t seem to make it on his income, plus my disability income.

We are lost and just looking for a miracle.

Please bear with me for the moment being.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Depression At New Depths

I was very sick for about 3-4 years in my early twenties. I went off the grid and deleted every single social media I had.

I’m so close to doing that again. While I may not actually do that, I don’t feel welcome just about anywhere in life. My so called friends haven’t called me. I have tried to call them and nothing. Just one. Just one person has answered my phone call/text.

My depression has entered a new stage. It’s at it’s very depths. The amount of loneliness, fear, and sadness I feel is so beyond me. I haven’t felt this way since I was 24, re-entering into the social media world, coming from nothing.

This is probably a relapse of some sort. I’ve probably been in it for some time now.

My relationship with My Love is rocky. Superficial, at best, in my opinion. My relationship with my friends is very nil. I understand people have things going on, but what does it cost to send just a “how are you?” over text. Nothing. And I still get nothing from them. Only one person. But even then I had to reach out. People say “reach out to me, i’m always here.” Fuck off. You know that’s the biggest lie ever. If I can’t reach you numerous times, then that’s a lie!

My relationship with my parents is so bad. At least with my mom. I mean, my mom just goes on about how im not taking care of my weight/health. Either that, or about my inability to save money. I tell her everyday things to prove to her that i’m making money. It’s never enough. My dad, well, i feel so disconnected with him. If I thought I felt disconnected with him when he’s working all day and i’m living with him… then NOW I feel disconnected even more when I’m not living with him.

I’ve never felt more estranged from the world than I do right now, and it’s the lowest feeling i’ve ever felt.

On top of all that, I’m estranged from God, and i could just about die.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Xena Update

We’ve been taking care of Xena, our new pup, this whole week. 24/7 care for her.

She finally is starting to eat a little bit on her own. She’s eating treats on her own, pupperoni snacks. She is still drinking water, which is good, too.

I need to call the vet and let them know her update/progress. I think they will be happy. In the beginning, they talked like they wanted to put her down. I even asked My Love if we needed to give her back to the shelter. My Love didn’t give up on her. She has made a lot of progress, but there’s still a lot more progress to be made.

Stay Tuned!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Update 2/18/2019

My Love has been sick with possibly pneumonia. We took him to the doctor. He has no insurance, so he didn’t get shots, but the doctor put him on 4 medications. We will see what happens. Even with GoodRx it was still 94 dollars! I paid it. His mom is supposed to pay me back.

So, i’ve been absent from a lot of social media. I haven’t got back to working, although, I applied to 3 jobs recently this past week. I’m so over delivery jobs, because I hate driving. I’m ready to work from home. We are so broke, it’s not even funny. I had to tell the pharmacist to use GoodRx and tell them we are low income.

It’s been a mess guys. I’ll be back soon!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Ashwagandha

I seemed to have ended my depressive episode. Which is great! I’ve been taking Care/Of vitamins, too. Which you read in my last post. This is only day 2, and I feel pretty amazing. I did on the first day, too.

Here’s my mood chart since the beginning of February. I believe it’s partly my depressive mood ending and taking the Ashwagandha that has helped.

I will make another post about the vitamins later on. Probably in about a week or a little after, to see if it’s really improved anything!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

The Great 180

I think I might have overcome the depressive episode, or starting to. Which is great. I’m not yet doing the things I fully should, but i’ve got headway on a few things.

    I have been searching for a new job
    I have ordered my planner for my hustle & flow.
    My mom bought me candles for my evenings to relax
    I have been waking up rested so far!
  • I have ordered my vitamins from Care/Of for my health and wellness.

It’s going good so far. Not much has been accomplished, but I feel positive about how things are going.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

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