Tag Archives: depression

Reassessing My Priorities…AGAIN!

So I had a long talk with My Love.

We sat and talked about the past few months. I had a hard depressive episode in January and February. I stopped cleaning. I stopped taking care of myself. The whole depressive she-bang! Anything that should’ve been done, I didn’t do it.

My last post of reassessing my priorities had more to do with family, and my mom. Now it’s about My Love. Our lack of communication is so typical, yet beyond this relationship. Well, I wouldn’t say “beyond”, but definitely something we need to really, really work on. It’s almost sad, and if I were to marry this man, he needs to know where I’m coming from, and vice-versa.

He said things were great in the beginning when we moved here. I was paying my half of the bills and cleaning.

Here’s the thing, we’ve racked up newer bills, and our old bills have gone up, like electric. Our new bills include a mattress payment, and a tv payment, both monthly. Amongst a few other things. The cleaning, well, I was in a depressive episode. I have depressive phases often and they can last a month, or two, or more, unfortunately.

I asked him to give me another chance. Although, him talking to a supposed female friend, a week ago, had me even more depressed.

Yea. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t respect me, and wants to do what he wants to do. We will see how this all pans out this next month.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

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Is The Depression Gone Yet?

So, I don’t want to jinx myself, but the depression seems to be wearing off. I worked 1 day in the past week. Start small. That’s what counts. I’m lucky enough to have disability to fall back on.

Xena is so much better. I think her cough is gone 99%, so that’s good. She’s much happier, and playing now.

I would like to get one of Dave Ramsey’s books. I’m feeling so inspired right now. I signed up for college again, and FAFSA.

I think i’m MOSTLY back to myself. Thank God! But 🤞🏽!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Depression At New Depths

I was very sick for about 3-4 years in my early twenties. I went off the grid and deleted every single social media I had.

I’m so close to doing that again. While I may not actually do that, I don’t feel welcome just about anywhere in life. My so called friends haven’t called me. I have tried to call them and nothing. Just one. Just one person has answered my phone call/text.

My depression has entered a new stage. It’s at it’s very depths. The amount of loneliness, fear, and sadness I feel is so beyond me. I haven’t felt this way since I was 24, re-entering into the social media world, coming from nothing.

This is probably a relapse of some sort. I’ve probably been in it for some time now.

My relationship with My Love is rocky. Superficial, at best, in my opinion. My relationship with my friends is very nil. I understand people have things going on, but what does it cost to send just a “how are you?” over text. Nothing. And I still get nothing from them. Only one person. But even then I had to reach out. People say “reach out to me, i’m always here.” Fuck off. You know that’s the biggest lie ever. If I can’t reach you numerous times, then that’s a lie!

My relationship with my parents is so bad. At least with my mom. I mean, my mom just goes on about how im not taking care of my weight/health. Either that, or about my inability to save money. I tell her everyday things to prove to her that i’m making money. It’s never enough. My dad, well, i feel so disconnected with him. If I thought I felt disconnected with him when he’s working all day and i’m living with him… then NOW I feel disconnected even more when I’m not living with him.

I’ve never felt more estranged from the world than I do right now, and it’s the lowest feeling i’ve ever felt.

On top of all that, I’m estranged from God, and i could just about die.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Ashwagandha

I seemed to have ended my depressive episode. Which is great! I’ve been taking Care/Of vitamins, too. Which you read in my last post. This is only day 2, and I feel pretty amazing. I did on the first day, too.

Here’s my mood chart since the beginning of February. I believe it’s partly my depressive mood ending and taking the Ashwagandha that has helped.

I will make another post about the vitamins later on. Probably in about a week or a little after, to see if it’s really improved anything!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

The Great 180

I think I might have overcome the depressive episode, or starting to. Which is great. I’m not yet doing the things I fully should, but i’ve got headway on a few things.

    I have been searching for a new job
    I have ordered my planner for my hustle & flow.
    My mom bought me candles for my evenings to relax
    I have been waking up rested so far!
  • I have ordered my vitamins from Care/Of for my health and wellness.

It’s going good so far. Not much has been accomplished, but I feel positive about how things are going.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Hypomania Or Depression

Not sure if hypomanic or just have a lot of ideas…

Yea, that’s pretty much what’s on my mind right now. I stayed up all day and part of the night searching for jobs. I barely slept. Then woke up at 3AM back to money making ideas.

This poses a problem.

I seem to have the flight of ideas similar to hypomania, but the energy of it is fading quickly. So yea, i’m not sure, but I have a lot of ideas. Of course, if there is a lack of energy, then there is no will to implement any of these ideas. And i’m back to square one. Wow! Couldn’t be worse!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Update On Depressive Episode

Here I am, recovering from my depressive episode, thinking about how to be a better person, for everyone.

I’ve applied to 2 jobs, so let’s see how this goes.

I thought I had cracked the code to side gigs, but look at me. I haven’t totally. I’ve stuck my toes in, but i’m not completely there. Well, let’s say i’m up to my knee. Some things I just haven’t jumped into just yet, because, well that would be bad. I have to let it process a bit. Some things, a lot!

I’m on my way to seeing a psychologist. Sooner than later, but they haven’t contacted me yet.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

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