Tag Archives: addict

I Have Everything To Lose

Things are not going well, all in all,

My Love and I have been arguing and fighting everyday. He’s upset over finances, and me cleaning the house very little. I’m upset because I have to beg him to hold me, talk to me, or show me any kind sexual attention whatsoever. He just won’t. Me, on the other hand, I’m working in getting a job for both of us.

I’m not sure what to say. I have considered leaving past few days, but I’m trying to stick it out and work on myself more. He hasn’t worked on much of anything. He says he just wants to be left alone, but that’s every single day. He just wants to play video games and smoke weed. I don’t feel it’s fair for him to want to be left alone for days at a time when I’m yearning for touch from him, and to hear his voice talk to me.

I followed up with that job, but still haven’t heard back. It’s been almost a week. I really want this job so bad, and I just don’t know if I’ll get it, or not.

I’ve been drinking more. And I’ve started drinking liquor. And today I drank before noon. Those are sure shot signs I’m not in a good place at all.

My mom seems to be avoiding me, and my dad is just too busy working. My friends, they are busy with their own things. I don’t have many people in my life that stick around, and I cant help but feel My Love will leave me someday.

For the love of everything, Lord, send me a sign. I need things to get better, and I’ve only contemplated hurting myself everyday.

Thanks for reading. And until next time.

xanax binges

i know no one here understands me or prob even cares. so why do i write this blog? i dont know.

i just wanted to say that.

 

im doing something i call xanax binges. where i take a few pills and then pass out. when i take up i take a few more. pass out. and so on for a few days or so. because i just want to forget about the world. and the best possible way is to do that is to sleep like away like that fairy tale where that guy sleeps for years. i wish i could do that.this haldol injection makes me quite depressed.

i just started another installment of bingeing tonight. i lose time and memory. thank god.

i never was a drug addict. and i dont consider xanax as being one.but maybe i am. i dont think id mind being one.

this one time i did a binge i was so out of it waking up i had set something in my house on fire. and didnt remmebr it til next day. but had pictures i taken of myself of setting papers on fire.

 

this haldol makes me quite miserable. depressed.

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