Family

There’s A Little Hiccup

Most of my immediate family AND friends have expressed that I should really think about keeping my disability, and the insurance from it, instead of getting legally married.

I understand why. At the same time, I wish I could live a normal life like everybody does, and get married, get a job, have kids, and goto college. Unfortunately, I cannot do that for one reason, or another.

1. I’m not capable of having a full time job. Due to my illness, and everyone around me knows that. I know that, too. Perhaps I’m so wrapped up in the love aspect, and feelings, of my relationship, that I fail to see that. I know many reading this may think I seem intelligent, or smart. I am. Although, due to medications and living with a psychotic disorder, I am unable to hold a full time job.

2. It’s obvious. Anyone who knows disability inside and out, knows you lose everything taking on normality. Because, it means you’re capable. Which I am not FULLY. I’m getting there, but not there just yet.

So i’m taking heed to what everyone has expressed. I won’t get legally married probably, at all. At least, not yet.

And complications with my relationship with my mother, even if I do have any kind of ceremony, she will probably not go. Unfortunately!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

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Christmas: Part One

Well, this little early Christmas get-together with my mom and sister ACTUALLY went wonderful. No one overstayed their welcome. No one got drunk off their ass (I don’t think anyone even drank 😮). I have to say it was pretty wonderful.

I received this awesome Nintendo Switch from my mom, and the games from My Love 😍.

And then My Love decided to shoot a candid shot of me, and show my Mom how much I was enjoying it, 😂.

Add me: SW-2173-6422-0530

Thank you for reading! And until next time!

Good News Just Keeps Coming

I’m really racking it in with good news. It literally just keeps coming, and it’s all so exciting!

My love got recommended at his job (which he’s only had a month) to be a manager-in-training! How great is that?! On top of a gift card to the store as a Christmas present. 

I’m starting my job with Instacart soon; part time job as a personal shopper. I’m having motivation to start maybe an etsy business, as well. We will see where all this goes, but I am very happy, and very motivated. On top of our move being successful. 

Everything is looking up. So much so, that the past, and the people of my past, are no longer relevant, i’m happy to say!

Thanks so much! And, until next time!

This Is Unlike Me

It’s very unlikely, and unlike me to write in my blog so much. Considering it has 50-something posts for the past 5 years (total).

Something happened between me and my love tonight. We went back and forth for a minute about spending time together. I cried my eyes out the other night, because he is so into his video games, and not into spending time with me when he gets off work. So today, he wanted to spend time with me, but I was too tired.

Truth is, i’m always tired, lethargic, and sometimes cranky. I’ve been sleeping from 10 or 11PM to about 11AM or later. That’s just been the past week or two, but that isn’t uncommon for me. It’s happened before.

I talked to my friends, and told them the situation. They considered if I might be depressed. I told them I am losing my hair, as well. Well, I recently got tested for thyroid problems, and the reports came back negative. Nothing. Tested for diabetes. Negative, too.

I wish I had an answer, as my goto answer is always “my meds make me tired”. Well they did for many years. Now? I’m not so sure anymore, but something is wrong. Whether i’m depressed, sick (physically), whether it’s the medication, or something entirely different.  

Either way, my current regimen for this is Vitamin D, as per my D.O. 

I am depressed to an extent. Maybe I don’t know how much. I do know that I need some new hobbies, new friends…something like that, to keep me busy. All this idle time at this new place, it’s just deadly, I feel like.

Thank you for reading, and until next time!

(And if anyone reading has suggestions, or can relate, please comment. I will reply!)

All My Life I Had To Fight

I really hope this title isn’t misleading. On God, I had to fight.

I had to deal with my mental illness overcoming me, and people belittling me because I wasn’t “all there”. To them, I was just nothing. Or at least I’d never amount to anything. To them, I was just going to be on disability for the rest of my life. Never work. Never succeed in college. Never do much of anything, if I did ANYTHING at all.

I’m here to say that, that is over with. I got a nice, decent place with my love, i’m trying to goto work (pretty much already have a job), i’m becoming INDEPENDENT. Something people thought i’d never do.

And here I am. Folks, this is mental health recovery at it’s finest.

If you have ever doubted yourself, look at me. I went from pretty much catatonic to independent in 5 years. Quite seriously.

(Pictured: My love, his dog, my cat)

And So It Begins (An Open Commentary To Myself)

Just like I thought it would, and I was scared it would, but I ignored everything and kept my head up. Rightfully so, as I have been excited about moving, and have wanted to move for 2 years, or more.

Bills: Please stop. I’ve had enough. And it’s causing anxiety and nausea. It is making me physically sick. I’ve truly had enough. I should’ve expected this right? I mean everyone has bills. Yea, but i’m just poor as hell, and dealing with incompetent businesses to get my bills paid to.

I’m sick: A few days after I moved, I got a head cold. Two days later it’s over. Great! But now my nose has been stuffy for 3 weeks, and add nausea from time to time. My friends say I am getting used to a new environment and new microbes; throw in the weather. One person said moving causes stress, which in turn causes sickness.

Family: I miss them so dearly, and I am so afraid to be alone out here in a city I know nothing about, and living with someone I only dated a year. I called and cried to my Dad last night. He seemed like he was about to cry as I was crying. I hit an emotional hurdle, for sure. I even made sure to bring the teddy bear he gave me one Valentine’s Day. I AM a Daddy’s girl, definitely.

This open commentary to myself has never felt more cathartic.

Thank you for reading.



Taking A Leap Of Faith (A Realization Post)

So I did it. I finally became independent. It only took 28 years!

Moving out is so cathartic, yet it is bittersweet to visit parents at home.

Here I am, with the love of my life, blogging, in our own place. How awesome! Right? Well, yes, but to an extent. The cons? Well, the bills, and the neighbors are ‘eh’, oh, and the lack of money because of bills, yea…

The pros? Way too many. They outdo the cons (even though bills are a major thing right now). But, the independence, being with my love (and so much closer to sealing that lifelong deal we all dream about), the ability to pay bills (that is so quintessential to life, I have money now). Oh, I could go on!

So, as everything in my personal blogging sphere is, I DID come on here to vent as well! So, prepare!

I got into yet another argument with my mom. As our relationship stands, it is very rocky, and i’ll admit (not just me) but she has to tread carefully. I guess what gets me is, the drinking. I drink, too, so no hypocrisy here, no shame. I just am someone who drinks and is, at the same time, honest about drinking. The rest of my family members aren’t. It’s ok. Do you, momma, but, ima do me, too.

I love you, but I just cannot tell you everything mom, i can’t. It would be a big burden to not only my personal intimate relationship with my, right now, boyfriend, but also, my relationship with you.

Not to say I hate my mom, I don’t. I love her with all my heart. Although, she’s just one of those people (cancer’s, if you believe in Astrology) that I cannot tell everything to, and it’s only hurting me to do that.

Do you Momma! I’ma do me!

 

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