I’m Not Sure If I’m Ready

I apologize for not posting in awhile.

Let’s start off by saying, My Love and I are not sure if we can afford rent anymore. We are considering moving back into our parents house (separately). Maybe getting our finances in order, before moving back in together.

Definitely not my idea, and i’m very scared. It’s nothing against my father, or his house, so much as, all my memories there of me dealing with my schizoaffective, depression, and anxiety. And then, my ex. It would just be so backwards for me. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, everyday. I hope it doesnt come down to that.

We could make it if I got a part time job. I was doing Instacart and a few other jobs like that for awhile, but with this town being so small, it’s hard because no one orders. I was lucky if I was getting two orders a day.

I’m supposed to be starting college again soon, and i’m just so lost. I’m not sure if i’m ready. Especially with all this having to move back stuff in the back of my head.

Forgive me for not writing much, but everything is so stressful right now. And i’ve been drinking more. As well as, having panic attacks everyday. I think it’s the stress of having to go backwards when I just don’t want to. I fear going backwards is going to ramp up my symptoms and depression.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!m

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