• The Great 180

    I think I might have overcome the depressive episode, or starting to. Which is great. I’m not yet doing the things I fully should, but i’ve got headway on a few things. I have been searching for a new job … Continue reading

  • Update On Depressive Episode

    Here I am, recovering from my depressive episode, thinking about how to be a better person, for everyone. I’ve applied to 2 jobs, so let’s see how this goes. I thought I had cracked the code to side gigs, but … Continue reading

  • Met With A Job Counselor

    I had an appointment with my job counselor yesterday, and we talked about everything going on with me. My low energy, my depression, and me not working the past three weeks. He’s sending me to a psychologist so I can … Continue reading

  • Depressive State

    So I’ve just been kind of sitting here, in a depressive funk, for a couple of weeks. Not doing much of anything. And it’s getting to me. I can’t but help think i’m taking on too much, but i’m not … Continue reading

  • Stressed, Tired, And Broke

    I can’t help it. I’m burnt out from work, and everything else. I cried last night. Well, I bawled my eyes out. I kept thinking of my Dad dying, and My Love leaving me. My Love said that won’t happen, … Continue reading

  • Another Day, Another Dollar, More Independence!

    So I started a new job in my area. Yes, pretty much a third or fourth job. Something akin to Instacart and UberEats. I’m still working my own schedule, and making money on my own time. I’m really enjoying this … Continue reading

  • First Full Week Doing Instacart (Update)

    So the week is over for last week. Only received 1 order in my zone all week (well, 2, but the second order was canceled due to app issues). It actually is fun doing it. It’s like a game, since … Continue reading

  • Second Day Doing Instacart

    Yep. Second day working for Instacart, and it’s been a complete bust both days. No batches, no orders = No work. Period. For two days. The day started with it reminding me about shift, 30 minutes before it started. It … Continue reading

  • I Took A Huge Step Forward Yesterday

    So, I have applied for some jobs. Being on disability is hard. For me, it’s a miracle, but then it is also a curse. It helps with financial difficulties, no doubt. As well as, getting the medical care I need … Continue reading

Update 2/18/2019

My Love has been sick with possibly pneumonia. We took him to the doctor. He has no insurance, so he didn’t get shots, but the doctor put him on 4 medications. We will see what happens. Even with GoodRx it was still 94 dollars! I paid it. His mom is supposed to pay me back.

So, i’ve been absent from a lot of social media. I haven’t got back to working, although, I applied to 3 jobs recently this past week. I’m so over delivery jobs, because I hate driving. I’m ready to work from home. We are so broke, it’s not even funny. I had to tell the pharmacist to use GoodRx and tell them we are low income.

It’s been a mess guys. I’ll be back soon!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Ashwagandha

I seemed to have ended my depressive episode. Which is great! I’ve been taking Care/Of vitamins, too. Which you read in my last post. This is only day 2, and I feel pretty amazing. I did on the first day, too.

Here’s my mood chart since the beginning of February. I believe it’s partly my depressive mood ending and taking the Ashwagandha that has helped.

I will make another post about the vitamins later on. Probably in about a week or a little after, to see if it’s really improved anything!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Hypomania Or Depression

Not sure if hypomanic or just have a lot of ideas…

Yea, that’s pretty much what’s on my mind right now. I stayed up all day and part of the night searching for jobs. I barely slept. Then woke up at 3AM back to money making ideas.

This poses a problem.

I seem to have the flight of ideas similar to hypomania, but the energy of it is fading quickly. So yea, i’m not sure, but I have a lot of ideas. Of course, if there is a lack of energy, then there is no will to implement any of these ideas. And i’m back to square one. Wow! Couldn’t be worse!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

There’s A Little Hiccup

Most of my immediate family AND friends have expressed that I should really think about keeping my disability, and the insurance from it, instead of getting legally married.

I understand why. At the same time, I wish I could live a normal life like everybody does, and get married, get a job, have kids, and goto college. Unfortunately, I cannot do that for one reason, or another.

1. I’m not capable of having a full time job. Due to my illness, and everyone around me knows that. I know that, too. Perhaps I’m so wrapped up in the love aspect, and feelings, of my relationship, that I fail to see that. I know many reading this may think I seem intelligent, or smart. I am. Although, due to medications and living with a psychotic disorder, I am unable to hold a full time job.

2. It’s obvious. Anyone who knows disability inside and out, knows you lose everything taking on normality. Because, it means you’re capable. Which I am not FULLY. I’m getting there, but not there just yet.

So i’m taking heed to what everyone has expressed. I won’t get legally married probably, at all. At least, not yet.

And complications with my relationship with my mother, even if I do have any kind of ceremony, she will probably not go. Unfortunately!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Everything Is Looking Up

Yes, it is.

Everything is looking up so much for me. I’m looking towards booking a trip later in the year, Valentine’s Day is coming up, my book, etc. Oh I just could go on with the dozens of things going so well. It’s so exciting, and I feel like i’m actually living the dream that I’ve ALWAYS dreamed of.

It’s weird, because I always saw greatness in myself. I always saw potential, but either people told me to not dream too big, or do this or that, or even my own past getting me down. And I just couldn’t reconcile the fact that I felt something big was going to happen.

It’s also weird, because I felt like I had the key to something in this world. I was told time and time again, by mental health providers thats I was delusional and incompetent, I flowed with that, too! Can you believe that?! I almost consider my own self a joke for believing that.

But here I am. I’m here. It’s not a dream. It’s not a prank. I’m actually here. Excuse me while I live on cloud 9 for awhile!

Oh my. And the thing is, it’s only going to get better. I feel it. I sense it.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Small Update

I’ve had a better past two days. Still sleeping excessively, but i’m getting the rest that I need.

I’ve been promoting my book, and sharing it with others. It’s still a crapshoot, though. Not the best book. Only 9 pages. I’m hoping it helps someone, if anyone. I put a lot of thought into it.

Work is stressful. Book promoting is stressful. Taking care of a home that you share with your boyfriend is stressful. Marriage is another discussion, because, I am not married yet, and i’m dying to marry. Not so much have kids.

Another book is in the making, though!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

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