• Reassessing My Priorities

    My mom called me today. I don’t have a very good relationship with her. She goes on and on about two things with me: my health, and me being overweight, and my financial status. She is very judgemental, and at … Continue reading

  • The Great 180

    I think I might have overcome the depressive episode, or starting to. Which is great. I’m not yet doing the things I fully should, but i’ve got headway on a few things. I have been searching for a new job … Continue reading

  • Update On Depressive Episode

    Here I am, recovering from my depressive episode, thinking about how to be a better person, for everyone. I’ve applied to 2 jobs, so let’s see how this goes. I thought I had cracked the code to side gigs, but … Continue reading

  • Met With A Job Counselor

    I had an appointment with my job counselor yesterday, and we talked about everything going on with me. My low energy, my depression, and me not working the past three weeks. He’s sending me to a psychologist so I can … Continue reading

  • Depressive State

    So I’ve just been kind of sitting here, in a depressive funk, for a couple of weeks. Not doing much of anything. And it’s getting to me. I can’t but help think i’m taking on too much, but i’m not … Continue reading

  • Stressed, Tired, And Broke

    I can’t help it. I’m burnt out from work, and everything else. I cried last night. Well, I bawled my eyes out. I kept thinking of my Dad dying, and My Love leaving me. My Love said that won’t happen, … Continue reading

  • Another Day, Another Dollar, More Independence!

    So I started a new job in my area. Yes, pretty much a third or fourth job. Something akin to Instacart and UberEats. I’m still working my own schedule, and making money on my own time. I’m really enjoying this … Continue reading

  • First Full Week Doing Instacart (Update)

    So the week is over for last week. Only received 1 order in my zone all week (well, 2, but the second order was canceled due to app issues). It actually is fun doing it. It’s like a game, since … Continue reading

  • Second Day Doing Instacart

    Yep. Second day working for Instacart, and it’s been a complete bust both days. No batches, no orders = No work. Period. For two days. The day started with it reminding me about shift, 30 minutes before it started. It … Continue reading

  • I Took A Huge Step Forward Yesterday

    So, I have applied for some jobs. Being on disability is hard. For me, it’s a miracle, but then it is also a curse. It helps with financial difficulties, no doubt. As well as, getting the medical care I need … Continue reading

Good Morning!

Good Morning, Good Morning, Good Morning!

I’m up and early, because My Love had to goto work at 4AM today. Definitely not something he likes! Normally I wouldn’t either, and I would usually be in bed til 10 or 11AM, but my schedule kind of revolves around his, so i’m up!

Took my ashwagandha today from a wonderful store called Restore Wellness RGV! I will take my B-12 shot later when I am about to work.

My Love is very grumpy when he doesn’t get enough sleep. Almost scary, haha.

What are things you do to make the day great?

This post is just to remind you to make your mornings great! It’s a fresh start to entering the world every 24 hours. Leave your mark. Plant a seed. Sow greatness. And reap impossibility!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

This Man Is My Life

Literally. And all I can think about everyday.

I just want things to be better between us. Obviously, if he didn’t love me, or like me, he wouldn’t have proposed! So I definitely need to do my part. I have considered couples counseling, but now that I think about it, so much of the problem, I feel like, is me. Well, to an honest extent it is, but then, it isn’t.

I became depressed back in January this year. What started off as talking about a possible engagement between us, to my mom, ended up disastrous. Things became worse and worse in my head, and everything spiraled out of control inside me. I became depressed. I stopped showering, taking care of the house, I binge ate, I stopped brushing my hair, etc, and honestly, i’m still at that point, but it’s gotten better as time has went on.

My Love and I talked today. We had an argument about our feelings. He says, “I work 40 hours a week, and I come home and have to clean up the house AND cook.” I said, “I’d be in better spirits if you just spent time with me.”

Honestly, we never came to an agreement on the time spent together before the argument ended, but I promised him things would change and that I would start cleaning more and cooking more.

All of this stopped once I got depressed back in January. Just everything, like I said above plus more! I grew up in a house in my early twenties where my Dad hoarded a bit. Everything was always filthy. I hated it, but never cleaned. I’m not sure why, other than I didn’t want to clean. I just stayed in bed all day due to depression, anxiety, and psychosis. I either slept or ate, but I was always in bed. My Love said I need to break that habit of being in bed. I’m thinking I do, too, and need to start contributing to the household. Especially if i’m not working, I suppose.

Here’s to better times! 🍻

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

I Said “Yes!”

It happened. The thing I have been waiting for, for FOREVER!

It’s great! It really is, and I feel like life has opened up so many more doors for me.

On the other hand, some people will have negative things to say. One, (and kind of only), being my Mom.

She was upset that My (now) Fiancé didn’t ask her, and my stepdad, about what ring to go with and price points. She made the claim that “he wasn’t even thinking”. She put down my Dad in the process. Saying, “Well, you’re Dad doesn’t know anything about rings, so I know he didn’t ask him.” I just told her stop being judgmental. She said “let’s just leave it at that. YOU’RE the one marrying him anyway.”

Should we really leave it at though?

So much to think about. Also if I am to lose my disability, what should I do next?

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Reassessing My Priorities…AGAIN!

So I had a long talk with My Love.

We sat and talked about the past few months. I had a hard depressive episode in January and February. I stopped cleaning. I stopped taking care of myself. The whole depressive she-bang! Anything that should’ve been done, I didn’t do it.

My last post of reassessing my priorities had more to do with family, and my mom. Now it’s about My Love. Our lack of communication is so typical, yet beyond this relationship. Well, I wouldn’t say “beyond”, but definitely something we need to really, really work on. It’s almost sad, and if I were to marry this man, he needs to know where I’m coming from, and vice-versa.

He said things were great in the beginning when we moved here. I was paying my half of the bills and cleaning.

Here’s the thing, we’ve racked up newer bills, and our old bills have gone up, like electric. Our new bills include a mattress payment, and a tv payment, both monthly. Amongst a few other things. The cleaning, well, I was in a depressive episode. I have depressive phases often and they can last a month, or two, or more, unfortunately.

I asked him to give me another chance. Although, him talking to a supposed female friend, a week ago, had me even more depressed.

Yea. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t respect me, and wants to do what he wants to do. We will see how this all pans out this next month.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Is The Depression Gone Yet?

So, I don’t want to jinx myself, but the depression seems to be wearing off. I worked 1 day in the past week. Start small. That’s what counts. I’m lucky enough to have disability to fall back on.

Xena is so much better. I think her cough is gone 99%, so that’s good. She’s much happier, and playing now.

I would like to get one of Dave Ramsey’s books. I’m feeling so inspired right now. I signed up for college again, and FAFSA.

I think i’m MOSTLY back to myself. Thank God! But 🤞🏽!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

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